I feel terrible I don't know why everything just hurts so much I just want to curl up in a ball and rock back and forth I keep messing everything up and I can't stop thinking about the big S I have been trying for so long I just don't know how much longer I can hold on I am exhausted and I if it weren't for the other people in my head I would have done it by now but they keep making me do stuff and then they get mad at me and I don't know what to do I am struggling to get out of bed each day and I just I feel really bad and I don't know what to do. Everyone is expecting me to do all this stuff but I can't and I just don't know what to do I can't make it stop.