Hello mewtwojunior: I'm sorry to read of your struggle. I do have some sense of what you are going through, having been filled with sadness, guilt, & other similar feelings myself, over the years. You mentioned you have lost your faith. I also have no faith. (I never had any to lose...) Personally, where I have come to, is to simply live in the moment. In the present moment there is no sadness, no guilt, & actually not even any joy in particular. There is only the present moment... For me, at this late stage in my life, that is enough. Along with this, I have come to realize that I don't have to "be" anyone or anything in particular. It is just perfectly fine to be who I am, just as I am. From my aging perspective, you are still very young. I hope that, in some way or other, you will be able to find a place of deep peace within...