Thanks for the comprehension. I have reached a point were I think that life has been playing with me all the time. I feel like I have been chasing a rabbit trail, and every time I got near to what I think is the end of my quest, it’s like the world tells me that everything is an illusion. I feel empty, and what is worst, I don’t feel like I’m strong enough any more. I realize I have been humiliating myself constantly, in order to find what I call love. I realize I’ve accepted that people should treat me like I’m the worst human being on earth, because I’ve grown up receiving that like a form of love. People don’t understand what I’m dealing with; they think that I’m cynic, because I try to hide pain hiding myself, running away sometimes. I never had someone or somewhere to hide myself, so the only way I know to protect myself, is to escape and hide where no one could see me. But know I’m tired, I could write a book with just a bunch of names of all the people that have pass in my life, in order to understand that it is time to stop. I didn’t find anything, that’s a fact. But now it doesn’t feel right anymore. I cannot hurt myself anymore. I cannot continue with this on and off anymore. I want something real. But I don’t know where to find it. When I’m outside I see the others people, and I sense they are happy, doesn’t matter how rich or poor they are, they have nothing to worry about. I want that. My view of life is different from them, but I’ve been wondering how I would be if I had only a bit of what they have. Gain attention became part of my life just to feel needed. Now I’m scared if what I want suddenly appears, how should I act, and could I handle it without losing it? It’s a mess right now inside my head. I don’t want special treatment because of my life; I want the same thing that I see when I walk on the streets. I want to be normal, and have a real thing.