I'm getting ready for a trip with my bf and today I just keep feeling really sad and tearful- it started last night- I thought it was related to me feeling unhappy with being back at my old job and having to deal with stupid people that upset me again (customers) but then I'm taking a shower earlier and am just overwhelmed with sadness and start bawling- I should be excited for my trip- I was and still am but my mood is all ****ed up- I don't want to be a downer when we go visit- especially around my young niece and nephew- there's other family I haven't seen in years it's going to be a lot of fun and yet I still am feeling very sad and tearful.
My bf has also been really tired a lot lately and sleeping more - I just talked to him about it and he he says he doesn't know how to explain it- like he'd just rather be sleeping- I asked if he's depressed, but he says he's not- he has more energy for our trip than I do- he's very excited. I was too but now I'm not, only because of my mood- I don't want to be a downer.
It's like, have you ever felt that you had a different calling in life and that you messed things up and while it may not be too late to do something worthwhile with your life, it's still not what you were meant to do? IDK, I'm just overwhelmed with sadness right now and trying not to be. I hate feeling like this- I got plenty of sleep too . . . .
I got off the phone with my brother and I just feel like I wasn't very upbeat sounding- I'm sure he's not too excited now to see me- I hate to be a downer- maybe I'll sleep more on the plane and things'll be fine.
I was fine this morning - and then I was laying with my bf and then had to get up and take a shower because I had already been up for a while and didn't want to catch his sleepiness and it's like a spirit came and attacked me with sadness when I was in the shower and I can't get these thoughts and feelings to go away. lol, I know that sounds ridiculous . . .