You say you want to be connected with fellow humans. Yet you go on to say you give zero cares to the daily lives of others. I find your dissertation a bit lengthy and contradicting. If you crave affection you must start out by having more regard for your fellow human beings. Are you sure you want interaction with others because it does not sound like it. Perhaps you have disassociation disorder, detaching from others and that is part of your problem? I definetly would get a diagnosis because i think there is more than just depression going on here. I hear you saying there is no God. Yet others here would believe different, they have faith in a spiritual being that helps them live life. I want to be open minded so i will say please go to a therapist and work on these issues. And i wish you the best. A man cannot have friends unless he first makes himself friendly. And if you give zero cares to the daily lives of others than that is the resistance to your progress of moving forward. tc