Quote:
Originally Posted by littleowl2006
I am so sorry. Feeling your pain. 
I know that sometimes there is nothing rational about a fear, but still it is there.
Do you have anything you can use to embank these emotions? Is there anyone you can talk to?
What are your strenghts?
Sounds to me like you identify strongly with the victim role in the police scenario. Did something like that happen to you before? My suggestion would be to take control to make things better and empower yourself - not surrender. Talk about it. Talk about your emotions and the events which triggered them. There is room for change in the future, and you don't have to stay where you are. (Thinking like that often helps me when I feel stuck)
I don't know anything about your situation, but I hope you will find a way to cope with this. Lots of comfort and support to you! |
No not really...
I try anything in the moment.
I didn't trust police because of many things recently and the past 4 years and I didn't do anything illegal to provoke them. They were being very pushy and really trying to make me give them a reason to beat me up and arrest me for whatever excuse they'll make up to get their ends meet. Also when I was a rape victim the police haphazardly didn't really help much at all. Blamed me a 6 years old at the time for not reporting earlier, but I was too scared to say anything. He had guns and knives and if I told anyone my family be killed. Man at 4 to 6 years old holding it in, I wanted to die feeling I would say something to an adult and naively come home and my family is dead.
That was a ****ed up feeling. I was the victim and still am of being just put away and just thrown over like I'm not meant for any recognition.
I needed my parents, but I didn't have them. I had day care providers who obviously didn't care too much.. I was either at pre school or kindergarten and grade school or day care all throughout my childhood not seeing much of my parents. It was weird seeing them when I was young.
As of now, it's like the fear of being alone is a real thing. It's not that I'm afraid of being lonely, I'm afraid of the hallucinations and the mental breakdown of what I have left which isn't much. I scream act out and just act mad because I am hearing things all the time from people I know or scenarios knowing what I would realistically do and the real constant theme is something I actually go through no one listens or ever understands me and if I did die I would be unnoticed and forgotten even further.
That wasn't something I thought of it's how it is.
I really just need people here. Like now, but it's like I'm severed from the world around me. Everything is much quieter than how most people feel.