I'm terrified of telling her 1 and 2. I'm afraid she'll get mad (or at least frustrated or annoyed). The whole thing just reminds me too much of my mom. I don't feel safe being open or direct. She hurt my feelings last time. At times I'm getting a lot of frustration from her. (Maybe she is unconsciously "mirroring" my own frustration.). She was even a little passive aggressive. I don't know what it's about, because I'm sure she doesn't mean it, and she's not always that way. I admit I'm difficult, but helping me with that is part of the job.

I feel exactly the same way about forcing a relationship.

I'm really confused about why she is seeing me at all. I can see she's not happy about doing it for free, but at the same time seems willing. I don't think I'll ever let myself see anyone without compensation again, it makes things complicated.

I'll let her know on Tuesday when I see her.

If I do this in the future I'll try to see someone who focuses on attachment issues.