I am grateful that you took the time to ask the question(s) and not offended at all.

I have been pretty content throughout my life. Even when life threw some pretty rough, by anyone's standards, stuff my way - I found a way to maintain my happiness and push through any roadblocks. Then I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease. My strength left me and pushing myself equaled death. I couldn't work any longer, and couldn't support my family. In the meantime, the auto-immune disease started playing havoc with my body and the pain became unbearable, then I couldn't sleep.

I applied for disability three and a half years ago. I still haven't received a hearing date. I live in a state in which it is against the law for a doctor to prescribe narcotics for chronic pain conditions; I have seven of them. So cascading weakness, abject poverty, unrelenting pain, and a healthy dose of hopelessness brought me to depression. My primary care physician, seeing the marked change in me, referred me to a psychiatrist.

Partly. It's complicated as there are many facets to this.

First, I know that any findings will only help my case for disability. There is no way I should be denied based on my physical condition but I've been denied twice and now the hearing. I know that I can manipulate the test results to insure that I do get disability but don't want to. But I have the 'zero confidence in the government' thing going on. I resent being put in this position.

Second, I have recently been diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder. The diagnosis is ludicrous - seriously. I'm certainly not the first patient to resist a diagnosis but the reasons for him making the diagnosis are simply wrong. For instance, he suggests that I am engaging in 'magical thinking' because I claim to know xyz about person x. But here's the thing:

I've written a book about body language and tells that has been sufficiently well received that it has gotten me an invite to speak to groups from both the FBI and ironically, the American Psychiatric Association. My skills are world class. I've spent twenty-four years as a professional poker player - reading people is what I do.

When the psychiatrist asks his twenty-three year old female client who is employed as a stripper, has eighty-two tattoo's and thirty-six piercings as is estranged from her parents because her dad is an 'asshole' and her mother is stupid...when he asks her if her father ever touched her inappropriately as a child, she may think he's got a sixth sense - but he doesn't, it's just the obvious place to start with what he knows. It looks like magic to her because it's above her skill set. My skill set on reading people is beyond my psychiatrists - that's all.

He simply doesn't listen. He hears and then makes assumptions that are actually extremely reasonable nine times out of ten...but not this time. He won't take extenuating circumstances into account - like my skill above. There are others. Real quick - a lack of sex life is typical with this diagnosis and I am in a sexless marriage. My wife of thirty years who I love dearly, has been raped more times than one would think possible, including once since we've been married. It's an issue for her and when and if she is ready to deal with it, we will deal with it. She is so much more than a sexual being, and I am privileged to have had the opportunity to love her and be loved by her. The fact that we don't have sex is not a symptom of a personality disorder in me.

Stop checking boxes and listen!

Third, I am an American Indian and have been a practicing Buddhist for thirty-seven years. These questions are near impossible for me to answer for cultural and religious reasons. There are no answers that are true OR false; they are both true and false AND neither true and false. The latter makes sense to me.

In fact, my spirit animal, intricately connected to both my religious and cultural beliefs, is being considered some of that magical thinking he is convinced of. Being Native American and holding Native American traditions and beliefs is not a mental illness.

I don't mind them knowing who I am. I don't mind sharing who I am with them, but these tests cannot measure that because the questions are geared toward a different mindset. If I must answer these questions, then I must pretend to be someone I am not in order to do so, because I can't - and that doesn't help anyone.

I do hope that made sense...it can be difficult to convey with the challenges of language across cultural chasms.

I just wrote my second book - a spiritual fantasy for young adults. It's young hero is teased throughout the book by his guide and mentor for asking two questions for the price of one. I smiled when I read this.

I know this was long. I hope that it was clear enough with little superfluous stuffing and thank you for taking the time to read it.