A needed rant for me.....please kindly play along if you will.

Like many of you here, I suffer from the tide of instability. I teach for a living and that brings all sorts of unpredictability and self-imposed pressure. I also coach and that brings its own set of unique challenges. My HS basketball team isn't all that good and I kicked over a chair tonight after yet another loss. I looked like an idiot and continue to give people the notion that I'm off the wall even though I really do know what I'm doing. For those of you that might know me here, I have a history of destroying things like walls and other non stationary objects in my home. I want to help *myself* make the changes.

I try to balance all sorts of stuff but winning has to factor into it. It just does - there's no redemption in going 5-15. When I combine it with the proven notion that most of my players (HS) are in outer space by default, they usually just go out on the court and go bonkers, rarely following the plan and just doing whatever they feel like doing. I have been coaching for 25 years and I'm sort of used to it but help me understand.........

I was thinking the other day.....BP is such a tough thing. It really is. For example, something like alcoholism might catch up to us more often when we pass by a liquor store, when we're alone, or we're at a party. But BP can catch up with us anywhere, anytime, in spite of all our preparation. It doesn't matter where we are or what we're doing.

Do I recalibrate? I *try* to remember but the moment gobbles me up. Or do I just not put so much effort into it? I'm a competitive person and that facet of my personality doesn't help the BP. It accentuates the mania. I don't want to "mail it in" and take a casual "who gives a bleep" attitude but I almost feel like I need to. I almost feel like I need to carry some sort of reminder on me every single day.