i do not have T today . my T has been on vacation i made it this far and now it is only two more weeks and i guess ill see her again . our sessions have been very rough for me and i think this is contributing to my anxiety around not seeing her. again we have not been seeing eye to eye . after so many years i have been letting her see what has been going on in my head . i have tried to talk to her about how i am feeling about my son . how i dont want to be his mother any more ,how i want him away from me . how confused i am etc. she just responded with telling me she doesnt believe me . she said that i have given everything for my son to have a normal life and that he is my life and i wouldnt and dont want to throw him away like that . but i do .i truly feel he is better off without my messed up family and me. she doesnt believe that either . she even is back to saying that i am pretending. i dont know what she thinks i am faking . all these feeling i have are real i am not making them up at all. this is how i feel ,this is how i see my world and myself and she thinks i am faking . i am faking that i am all ok with everything .when i walk in a room to teach a craft that i am confident in what i am doing . in reality i feel everyone in that room hates me and im a fake at who i am in that situation. i dont know how to get her believe how i see things . again i dont know how she can help me if she doesnt believe me . people just dont like me at all once they get to know me or i let them in my head. she thinks i can just automatically think im a good person even though the evidence shows differently. im so confused .we have been going back and forth to much . i asked last session if we could just not talk about my son and the holiday and so on because i was not going to see her for 3 weeks and that didnt happen . im so angry and hurt and alone