Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
I think it depends how one raises the kid. Some people use their kids as a substitute for romantic partner ( I don't mean sexually) .
Then surely kids feel jealous and betrayed if their parents start dating.
I and my ex husband have very close relationship with our daughter but we never treated her as a substitute so she had no need to be jealous.
My grandma used to say "the trick is in boundaries".
I also think sometimes people drag their kids into relationship way too fast and kind of ambush the kids, no wonder kids are flustered
. If you do date a man with kids be weary of ones that want to drag kids into this way too early, like want to introduce you to their kids right away and must have kids approval and want you to spend time with their kids way too early. That's a red flag and typically indicates poor boundaries and inability to have their own lives apart from the kids or want to make sure kids like you.
It's unhealthy.
But it's doable and it could work.
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I agree with all of this. I think this is precisely what my ex-girlfriend did and contributed to why her daughter became so upset and why it didn't work out. I didn't realize, until nearly the end, that she treated her daughter as a substitute partner and involved her way too much in "adult" decisions. I didn't realize until later that her daughter and her are more like "friends" than parent/child. She introduced me to her kid after only 2-3 months and, in retrospect, it was too early. It taught me a lot about what are (and are not) healthy boundaries. But I didn't feel like I could say anything, because someone can say "you aren't a parent; you don't know" and there is nothing I could have said after that. Obviously, it wasn't the right person or situation for me. It also made me realize that I no longer want to date people with kids. I only share this because I think it may be helpful for the OP to see the range of situations that can happen, and decide if her situstion is right for her. Best of luck, OP!