Ugh. I'm sorry she wrote such a disappointing reply. As I see it, there are two parts of it to sort through with her:

1) Your feelings about her being gone and waiting for the reply you expected from her (based on her promise) and then not getting it.

2) Whether or not she intended to send you the usual email after a long break, prior to your appt, or whether she had intended a special "I'm back" email as a way to ease your fears and concern about her absence/travels.

The answer to #2 is going to worsen or ease your feelings regarding #1. If she never intended to do more than the usual email after a long break, then this was a miscommunication and not out right forgetting. If, on the other hand, she had intended to do what you thought, then she did forget and that would complicate your feelings.

And, as I've dabbled (and gotten lost) in unaluna speak for some time, I think what she's saying is that after you get the facts sorted out, the rest of the conversation is about coming to terms with all the ways other people disappoint us, because they will. I would hate to think that your therapist did that on purpose as a therapy lesson (and from what you've shared about her, I don't think she did).

Not only a great post, but a much better translation of unaluna-speak than mine.

I do think if it's really bothering you, you should say something, rainbow, however guilty you feel.

I'm with stopdog. Whether or not it's a reasonable thing to expect someone to just write to you after they came back from a trip isn't really relevant, to me... the point is that the T offered to do something, and then didn't do it. No matter how small or forgivable the thing may be, I think it's fair of rainbow to expect her T to do what she says she's going to do.

Rainbow, I know the trapped feeling of guilt in "making" T feel bad about something, but really, why did she offer if she wasn't going to do it? Even if you had asked and she had said yes, I would *still* say it then becomes her obligation to do it. If she thinks she can't, she should either say "maybe" or "no". It's not that hard. Or if she just messed up, just own it and say sorry -- especially if it was just "I was so tired, I completely forgot, I'm sorry about that." Not really a big deal. (I'm not saying your feelings aren't a big deal, I'm saying this shouldn't be more than your T can handle.)

I'm glad you're writing here instead of trying to settle it with her now. I think that's the way to go. Sorry you have to sit with it until you can actually hash it out with her.

Your feelings are your feelings and not "wrong" I do hope that you can both discuss your anger at her absence and at her forgetting. Both of these are normal human things that happen, of course T amplifies is, but you deserve to find peace and not be so upset at these minor issues.

You feel the way you feel and feelings Are neither right nor wrong.
However I think that unless you and your T specified the timing of her reply, in her eyes this may fulfill her promise and so you will need to bring up that you feel it did not.
My T and I do not always agree on what is meant by things like "when you get back". To my T "when she gets back " means the first working day ie "when she gets back to being a T"
We've had to discuss these kinds of things.
I've found I.need to articulate very very specifically what I need ( and if course she can then say if she can do it or not or you can compromise) . if I need to.hear from her the actual day she gets back.in the country or whatever I need to very specifically state that.

So just be prepared for your T to be confused as she may feel she did exactly as you asked.

This therapist knows OP - and knows about the stresses and worries OP has. And offered - this was not in response to OP's request. I do think that being very specific about these sorts of things can be useful.

Even if my T who knows me very well offers something like "I'll send you a pic from my vacation" we have to discuss the expectations. For example does she mean while she is away ( what I'd expect) or on the way home ( which would disappoint me). a pic of something that makes her think.of me?,a random beach pic?
I think there is a lot to he gained from clarifying expectations. It helps prevent hurt feelings and provides I sight into your deeper needs

I wonder if "when she is back" meant same day or next day for you, but meant "when I am back to work" for her? Was the time frame discussed? Could be misunderstanding? I hope she didn't mess up on purpose as to foster your total dependence on her. That would be evil. I'd probably bring it up with her to discuss Either/both her lack of promptly response or intensity of your emotions.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Whats missing are 2 things -
1. That the client gets this wonderful chance to work on this issue held in a safe and caring space (yes sickly sweet but my inner child loves it)
2. I dont like to be the mad person on the phone going, why havent you called me, or having to answer that question. Why cant we both just be glad we are talking now? "So good to hear from you!" You KNOW im crazy - if things were good, i woulda called before now

So not saying that "people" are always gonna disappoint you - but yeah pretty sure i will. Not too dependable - working on t filling up my dependable bucket so i have some to give back.