Jupi death is final. There is no do over or reset button for life. I understand wanting to kill yourself and end it. I am there right now. I am not trying to talk you out of it but I want you to be fully aware of what you are getting yourself into. There isn't going to be a rebirth. Once you die that's it. It is over. No matter what you think there will be people that care about you that you will leave behind. Do you want to put them through this pain?
Have you tried talking to a doctor to get medicine to try and help you get control back? Are you even willing to seek medical help?