I could go ahead and die and get this over with right?

Can't find a solution so why not delete my life and hope that I can start over?

Finding the solution for my life is impossible. There is no such thing but death exists.

Death is not an answer, just a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If yourself cannot find a solution why not ask someone else for it? Sometimes the solution is not in sight, but others see it plain as light. I was in your shoes not even two months ago, but once I made it through the worse I realized the solution was in front of me the whole time. Your mind is very powerful, do not underestimate what it will keep you from seeing. I hold tight onto a quote I heard from a Chaplin, I also base my life around it when I'm depressed, "Do not question in the dark, what you saw in the light.". Others around you can help find your solution, you have to extend the opportunity to them first before you doubt their response. You may not get another chance in life.

Jupi, your life has meaning and purpose. Please do not feel you have no value to anyone, you do. You mean something to all of us here and to those around you. Everyone is so stressed out with their own lives that we often are guilty of not telling others how much we appreciate them in our lives. Just a few words of kindness and deeds of thoughtfulness can turn ones life around. It sounds like that is what you need. There is an old saying, we either accept the things around us, and if we cannot then we change our surroundings. Please find someone to talk to and unload the burdens you are carrying. We really are our brothers keeper and you are important... i shall pray for you blessings

Every human being has a tendency to "escape" if things are unbearable and seems unending. I don't know your situation but I think you need to let yourself to breathe. Do not think of it too much as our mind are very specialize at magnifying things. It's easier said than done but that's how you will find peace in which sometimes we are just overwhelmed.

Find a friend/family member whom you trust the most and tell your situation if you can't openly have it here. We are not born to have in this life alone. Sometimes, help is just what we need to be saved.

Jupi, life can be so excruciatingly painful at times . . I am so sorry you're feeling such despair.

One breath at a time, one minute at a time, one day at a time, OK? Breathe.

You do not have to fix everything at this moment. At this time you just need to honor your feelings, allow them to express, and allow yourself to experience the self-compassion and self-love that you deserve. This, too, shall pass.

I am schizophrenic and it is my puppet master. It controls my body movements.

Thinking about dying is a clear thought. Some of you people are fake and demons to keep me alive so Satan can have my mind. You won't admit it though. I won't provoke anything.

Jupi,

I never considered myself "normal". I always saw myself as an person far from modern day man. I would consider myself gifted and broke at the same time. My anxiety defines who I am as a person. It helps me enjoy my passion but it also destroys me from the inside out. To control my anxiety is my mission, not to eliminate it. Suicide is irreversible, its a decision not to be taken likely. If you posted on this forum you are pondering something, maybe even looking for re-enforced/expected answer. You will only find the most caring people on the planet full of wisdom to share. The things that went through my head while I was at my worse were no where near the truth. Please, reach out to someone you love or care deeply for.

Why not indeed. I feel the same way except I'm troubled by the 'start over' part. I believe you do start over as another conscious entity and REALLY don't want to do that. I envy your hope in that respect...all I have is dread.

There really isn't a foolproof method. You could end up still alive, but badly damaged.

U seem to have a very charming, logical and charismatic mind. It is an engaging and illustrative way you depict your strife in that finding a solution is a nonexistent possibility while death is an existent one.
Nonetheless, in truth- to say there isn't a solution to a problem is faulty logic. While perhaps many or even most people it seems get to 4 by adding 2 +2 , one can also get there by adding 3 +1, or even in some cases when life has us at -4, by adding 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1 until we get there. The truth of the matter is, is that even though it pains us to see it (and when suffering from mental illness, our symptoms will force us to refuse to see it entirely), there is logically and legitimately not just one solution to our problems, but an infinite number of possible solutions to our problems. It doesn't mean it will be easy to find one. But logically - mathematically , there is. We might just have to give up on the 2s and start looking at entirely different numbers is all.
All my love and best to you.
ps. I adore the diaper quote btw. Yes, it is indeed for myself as well.

Jupi death is final. There is no do over or reset button for life. I understand wanting to kill yourself and end it. I am there right now. I am not trying to talk you out of it but I want you to be fully aware of what you are getting yourself into. There isn't going to be a rebirth. Once you die that's it. It is over. No matter what you think there will be people that care about you that you will leave behind. Do you want to put them through this pain?
Have you tried talking to a doctor to get medicine to try and help you get control back? Are you even willing to seek medical help?

That makes sense. Now I'm deciding which solution would be worth the sacrifice to make during my only life.

No one would miss me and I won't cause any pain if I leave and I accept that...

Unless medicaid pay for psychological therapy, I have no other means of paying for medical help. Guess I'll find out soon if I live that long.

Wish my living situation was more peaceful but I don't deserve peace and I'm not worth peace. Everything is as stressful right now involving my family wanting money and wanting to depend on me. My girlfriend is a paraplegic and she could care less about me. She has daughter and she literally told me that she can't love or put her all in a relationship and that she she still has feelings for her ex. She told him that I was her so calles boyfriend. I honestly don't know why I put up with this.

I'm coming into some money soon and she's planning on moving back with her dad. I'm afraid to use my future money on this relationship. Especially for her because I feel that I could do something more constructive with it instead of spending it on a girl who could care less about me and a daughter that's not mine. Sometimes I think that she's only keeping me around because of money. She wants me to stay with her mom to help her with bills while she moves to another town to stay with her dad. That Doesnt sound right to me. I feel like I'm being played or something. Maybe I should go back home.

Hi Jupi
Yes suicide is your choice. I , personally think it would be a waste of a good mind and a good person. Why don't you invest that money in yourself and see what other possibilities there are? What ever you choose, I truly wish you peace.

Jupi I am sorry about your situation. I wish I had better words of wisdom I could tell you but I don't. All I can off is an ear. If you ever want to talk message me. I don't care I'd you just want to yell and scream I will listen.

Your words could be great. Its just me. I'm just being helpless. I'm a lost cause and my brain drives me in loops involving ideas, opinions, and even facts ( and facts are 100% truth!... Unbelievable..)

Thank you for your offer and sacrifice of time. Thinking I should pay everyone, who took my post to mind, for their time.

I'm gonna search for medical help.