Quote:
Originally Posted by Daystrom
Depression is living a nightmare. It comes and goes. Sometimes it stays only a little while. Sometimes a longer while. Sometimes it stays for years.
I'm coming up on the one-year anniversary of the worst episode of depression I've ever had. It shows no signs of ending. And having struggled with this for over 30 years, there are plenty of episodes to choose from.
The nighttime is the worst. That's when the world is black and empty and there is nothing to be seen, only myself, only the reality of myself and all of the unforgivable weakness and inadequacy and failure that I represent.
The black hole at the center sucks up everything that once mattered and leaves nothing behind. I don't do anything anymore. I don't enjoy anything, I don't look forward to anything, I don't live. I try desperately not to think about anything because there is nothing, nothing at all out there. There is nothing inside, either. I thought I could fix it with therapy. I thought I could fix it with drugs. I thought I could turn it around. I was stupid enough to actually believe this.
The years go by and everything just gets worse. The pain won't ever get better. The pain likes things just fine where it is.
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(((((((((((((Daystorm)))))))))))))))),
I feel you !!!! I been dealing with depression on and off since I was first diagnosed back in 1995 . I still go through the pain of my depression but I learned to fight back . I been in counseling for a year with my counselor who specializes in anxiety,depression, adjustments in life changes , relationships,and promoting strengths for personal growth as well she is also an experienced registered nurse. she been helping me to deal with my anxiety and depression and PTSD since I started seeing her in October 2014. it will take time for the depression to lift . my depression is starting to lift slowly but surely . I had depression since my grandparents and my parents past away . this time I was able to get into treatment before it got worse for me . my former choir director noticed it after I lost my job about a month after choir practice started that year . she suggested for to get some professional help . I took her advice and got help .
Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds : Cymbalta 60 mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia with an additional 25 mgs = 75 mgs at night when up past 1:00 in the morning