Edit: I talked to my mom again today (she called me), and she says I probably caught on much earlier, around age 8, even younger. I asked, apparently, and my mom refused to tell me the truth. I was asking, hearing, and putting it together. My mother believes that I simply clung to the belief because I missed my dad. I don't remember it at all, beyond some vague half-memories. I'm still bothered by it, by my weakness and childishness.
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv
My father died when I was 12, too. I think your feelings about this are strongly linked to your feelings about that loss.
I can understand how your mother felt she was being kind to you by 'babying' you to comfort you over his death. It's a little off, but I can see how she thought she was helping.
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My mom babied me in a lot of other ways too, tbh. It annoys me even into adulthood to find out how "behind" I am or how different an upbringing I had. I've had some people call our later relationship emotionally abusive, I think we're just dysfunctional - it's long felt like I was cared for physically but kind of neglected and stunted mentally and emotionally. My mom herself has said I have the emotional maturity of a young teenager as a young adult.
I'm not sure about this frustration being linked to my dad in any way. I never knew this was my mom's motivation until, well, last night.
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You made a comment about 'why she trusted you to attend your father's funeral'. You're saying like she thought you were mature enough to handle that, but not the truth about Santa Clause. No, I don't think she saw it that way at all, and can you imagine if she didn't allow you to attend his funeral?
My mother did me a huge disservice in how she dealt with my father's death. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given a few weeks to live. She never told me he was dying! She never took me to see him in the hospital. And the thing that still stings me to this day is how she took me shopping and bought me a really cute, mature-looking black outfit. I loved it, it was a real treat because she never took me shopping and bought me anything like that before. Then my father dies. She tells me 'he's gone'. I asked 'where did he go?' Sure enough, I had that nice black outfit to wear to his funeral, where I sat in shock, never cried. I realized many years later that outfit was bought for me to wear to his funeral!
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First, that's awful, what your mom did. I guess I can toss your analysis back at you, she thought she was doing you a service, but you were 12, hardly a little kid. Hell, I got to see my dad's body shortly after he died - we got a phone call in the dead of night saying he passed, and actually drove to the hospital to see him one last time. Plus I had visited him in the hospital several times during the two months he was dying. To just not say anything, at all? That's just cruel.
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As for 'magical thinking', my family believes in all kinds of things like that, superstitions, curses, karma, etc... I didn't even know everybody didn't think like that until I read about it while trying to figure out if we have personality disorders.
Also, if it makes you feel any better... I slept with my baby blanket until I got married!
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Magical thinking - I'm a tad prone to that, as well as a sucker for reading about paranormal stuff and conspiracy theories. I may not believe them, but some part of me wishes they were real in some way. Sometimes I might dip a little further, but I learned enough about skepticism from the internet to known to be ashamed of that. Only stupid people believe in unproven, "magical" things. Honestly, my dismissal doesn't even come from any logical rigor but a simple tenet that anything magical or supernormal cannot and does not exist.
Also, I have a Pikachu plush that I've had since I was 5 and took to bed with me until my late teens. Even now in have it, it just lives in a drawer.