So - I need an outlet for this. If anybody is willing to read a confused post, please help me?
I love posting in the forums because a) it is easier for me to write than to talk
and b) because of the reactions
So. I don't really know what's going on with me. I can't even say what my problem is, and I feel insecure because of that. Like I have the need to reach out, but I don't even know what this is about.
I work a lot lately and I have money problems because I broke off contact to my dad. At work, almost all of my colleagues have partners, kids, "normal" families and they all seem so confident and happy (I can see they truly are loving, happy people and I am happy for them). I just feel like such a misfit, because I come from a broken family with lots of abuse/drinking/etcetc. and I often feel so negative.
Then also I have just had a breakup with someone I really love. I am still so so so very sad and desperate because of it.
I don't know if it is the situation and my reaction (being sad, feeling inadequate, physical issues like headaches, back pains, heartaches, self doubts) is responding to that, or if I really am different from the others and a broken person and others stay away from me once they realize how broken I am.
I just don't know. I have so much on my plate and my head is about to burst. I have no energy and my chest hurts. There are too many thoughts in my head.