I feel like my life is so empty and pointless i don't even get why i wake up and get out of bed and go to work because it doesn't even seem worth sustaining.There's nothing in life that makes me happy or feels worth fighting for, and either everyone at work dislikes me or it's my social anxiety making me paranoid. Either way, just walking in there is awful. Life is empty drudgery without any "life" in it. And I disgust myself to the point where I'm constantly at war to not cut, and even then the only reason why I care is because I was threatened by my t and pdoc. Not seeing the point, but I have no choice. How am I worse at 33 than at 19? I always thought I would grow out of it.

So sick of hurting over things I never chose.