[Seraphine]

Having a really horrid day, bf is being a jerk, and I just feel like pushing everyone away. Feeling really insignificant and out of place. Yet if I told any of my friends that, I'd look like I was attention seeking. Just need to make it through the day. Tomorrow will hopefully be a better day.

[PinkFlamingo99]

I'm scared. I'm afraid there's no such thing as "better" and I'll suffer until I die.

[shezbut]

I am feeling like a complete jerk, doomed to a lifetime of misery.

[Seraphine]

My day has been so full of suck that it could pass for a cyclone. Ugh. Sending everyone who needs them big hugs.

[BadWolfC]

Back from being out of town, and I feel like it was a nice break but it just made me wish I could move already... I know the next few months will go by quickly, but probably not quite fast enough. I'm getting married in 2 months, and have that to look forward to... but I'm worried about money again because I need to find a good job as soon as I can to pay for the rest of the wedding stuff, moving, and a new car and better place to live after I move. All I can do is keep applying to jobs and wait, and I hate waiting... I wish there was something more I could do. I don't like feeling like I have no control over what happens in my life...

I am questioning my diagnosis. To make a long story short, I was suffering from PAWS (post acute opiod withdrawal) and placed on Klonopin for the RLS. I quite accidentally ran out of Klonopin and low and behold, my symptoms stopped. No more out of control emotions, no more roller coaster, no more self harm, no more sexual impulse control. Nothing. I have done research on disinhibition reactions to this med and it is common in people with ADD which I have. Now I am not saying I don't have a predilection toward BPD, or that other circumstances did not contribute, but I seem ok. I told this to my psychiatrist who merely said to journal it. Okay then. At any rate. That is where I am. I have been stable for months now.

[Unrigged64072835]

Ugh. Totally unmotivated and down. Just wish I could take a nap or something.

[BelleCat]

Having paranoid thoughts that nobody likes me.

I haven't checked in here for a long time. I'mreally struggling right now. Don't know how to get through this crisis.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Having to say goodbye to someone I love. My minister is retiring and she's been such a huge part of my life/mother figure for a long time. My heart is breaking and I'm not ready to handle that horrible pain of loss/abandonment right now.

[BelleCat]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

Having to say goodbye to someone I love. My minister is retiring and she's been such a huge part of my life/mother figure for a long time. My heart is breaking and I'm not ready to handle that horrible pain of loss/abandonment right now.

Is there any way you can keep in touch with her?

[cmc3663]

So nervous about meeting my new T tomorrow. It's been about 3 years since I've been in therapy. I know I need it, but still!

[BadWolfC]

I can't decide how to feel.

Cons:
1. Still no job.
2. Guilt over lack of money contribution.
3. Lack of motivation to be productive.

Pros:
1. My stress is lessening.
2. Wedding planning is almost done.
3. I get to move in 4 months.
4. My fiance still loves me.

I think I'll be ok.

I am feeling ok.

[PinkFlamingo99]

I think I'm afraid to get better.

Failing. Miserably. I can't do this.

[Lonlin3zz]

I came back to lurk a bit after a few months of inactivity, realized [Ushichan] left the forum and requested to have her account removed. It's kind of depressing to see her leave without me bidding her farewell.

[PinkFlamingo99]

I feel like my life is so empty and pointless i don't even get why i wake up and get out of bed and go to work because it doesn't even seem worth sustaining.There's nothing in life that makes me happy or feels worth fighting for, and either everyone at work dislikes me or it's my social anxiety making me paranoid. Either way, just walking in there is awful. Life is empty drudgery without any "life" in it. And I disgust myself to the point where I'm constantly at war to not cut, and even then the only reason why I care is because I was threatened by my t and pdoc. Not seeing the point, but I have no choice. How am I worse at 33 than at 19? I always thought I would grow out of it.

So sick of hurting over things I never chose.

[shezbut]

I feel stuck in self-hate.

My rosacea is flared up horribly. I can't stand to be around other people, yet I have to go to work & dang appointments. I am dreading everything!

[dancinglady]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

I feel like my life is so empty and pointless i don't even get why i wake up and get out of bed and go to work because it doesn't even seem worth sustaining.There's nothing in life that makes me happy or feels worth fighting for, and either everyone at work dislikes me or it's my social anxiety making me paranoid. Either way, just walking in there is awful. Life is empty drudgery without any "life" in it. And I disgust myself to the point where I'm constantly at war to not cut, and even then the only reason why I care is because I was threatened by my t and pdoc. Not seeing the point, but I have no choice. How am I worse at 33 than at 19? I always thought I would grow out of it.

So sick of hurting over things I never chose.

Threatened by PDoc and T???? How are they threatening you???

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

Threatened by PDoc and T???? How are they threatening you???

Hospital. My cutting has been very deep. Lol, not like threatening my life!

[technigal]

Feeling more depressed then normal. I know it is because I keep screwing up with taking my morning meds - they usually get taken in the afternoon or bedtime..... Got to get back on track.

[BadWolfC]

Still worried about money even though my fiance tells me not to be. Trying to find ways of making small amounts of money since I can't find a real job... I just can't tolerate not helping more. I feel like I'm a waste of space.

[Noca86]

My mood is cycling pretty quickly these days from sorta low to high to really low to okay to low to realitivity high. It's like receiving news that your dad died in a plane crash, but then finding out hours later he is still alive and never boarded that flight, then getting a phone call from your doctors office that you have some rare incurable disease, only to get a call a few hours later stating they got your file mixed up with someone else, only to watch the lotto max numbers being read out on tv and you think you won only to figure out the last digit was different all in the period of like 48 hours lol.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Um, been away quite a while. Not sure how long. Things are much like they were before. Missed y'all.