I was very much like you once. So I'll let you in on a secret: childhood is insanely overrated. I am absolutely serious. Despite hallmark cards, sappy TV movies, and the popular misconception, many people's childhoods are painful and filled with regrets.

My advice to my 19 year old self: stop looking back. Yes it was awful to grow up the way you did. You got messed up in the genetic lottery. So what?

What are you going to do now? You are starting out on a whole new journey. This time you have your freedom and self-determination. Where are you going? What are you going to do?

Entropy is going to happen to everyone, no matter your childhood. Aging will happen to you and everyone else. Gravity unless you become an astronaut will weigh all down. These are true for every single thing on the planet earth. I know it can be depressing to contemplate. But you can take comfort that you are not the only one. Millions in the USA alone have mental illness. But most will keep fighting and living their lives. Many despite everything, will have good lives filled with interesting opportunities.

At 19, This is finally your life now. It can be the best of times. You can do a myriad of things. There are so many paths ahead. You probably won't believe me but this can be a momentous time in life.

There was a time I never thought I could move on from my childhood. But I went to therapy and started on meds. My life hasn't been perfect, but it is so much better. I have done amazing things I wouldn't have dreamed of at 19. I have a life, a pretty good one that I made for myself. My journey through childhood like yours was painful and I wish things could have been different. But No one can change the past. We work on the present and dream of the future.

I hope you can find a way past the hopelessness to see you are not alone and your life can truly get better.