Thanks. I really, really want to believe you. I really want to believe full well that working to accomplish something isn't some shameful thing and that skills acquired via hard work are valid, but....

Here's the thing. You literally can't deny that some people are born with vastly superior abilities and mindsets, and are just naturally better people (or at least that's how I see it...people tell me this isn't necessarily the case). And seeing as you miss out on so much if you aren't on that level, I don't know if I can see the point of living.

Do you know how the gifted see us average people? We disgust them. They think we're impossibly slow, lazy, and illogical, effectively deficient children of larger size. We frustrate them and get in their way. We're useless wastes of space, pathetic excuses for life. We're perpetually incompetent in their eyes, and the effort we need to expend to be on their level is astonishing to them.

And it's killing me to know that that's what I am. That's how I appear to the people who matter. And there's nothing I can do to improve it. I can't learn to learn faster or recognize patterns or see connections between topics. I can't learn to think more efficiently. I'm stuck in this mire of failure and no pathetic effort is going to change what I am.

The point is how futile everything looks. How can I even enjoy learning or creating with full awareness of my place in the world? I know immersing myself in learning and self-improvment would help me, but if I'll only fail, why try and subject myself to more pain?

I'm stuck is all. I've always wanted accomplishments, accolades, recognition - but have always believed that actually working for it is vulgar. And it's quite clear I don't have any natural talent in anything, except maybe writing (which people keep commenting on...seriously, my writing online is just my inner monologue, that's why I ramble so much). I don't really know what to do with myself.