Hello weakness: Well... I'll mention first that I'm 67... so a bit older than you are. I haven't been employed for... oh... probably 15 years or so. I sort-of just aged into retirement. My unemployment resulted from a mixture of untreated mental health problems, physical health problems, & my inability to succeed at much of anything. Fortunately, my wife held a good job & she was supportive of me staying home.

As a result of my being unemployed, however, our income took a hit. We're both retired now. And although we're okay financially, we would be allot better off if I had continued working all those years. Do I wish things had been different & I had been able to continue working? Well... yes-&-no. Could I have been a success in my vocational life... absolutely. But the reality of my vocational history was that I would probably have just continued to stumble from one failure to the next, with who knows what result.

At this point, I live a pretty simple life. I have made a commitment to myself not to spend any money on myself that isn't necessary. We only have one car & I don't drive or go anywhere. If I happen to need an article of clothing, there's a thrift store nearby. Like you, I have depressive cycles. But I fight through them. This is simply the way life has turned out for me. It could be allot worse...

My thinking is that trying to go back & recapture the motivation you once had without having any expectations would be an enormous task. Conditions change over time. I know I can never be the person I was thirty or forty years ago. (In my case, I wouldn't want to!) To me what is important is to be at peace with the way things are now & to be able to build on that in whatever way I wish to do so. To me that's not weakness... it is equanimity...