Every med that I've been on was the max dose.

I'm going to have to write what I have to say on paper because I feel intimidated by my psychiatrist unfortunately like my first one. I have no say and feel trapped.. He says no and interrupts me when I try to talk. It's been like this always except with my inpatient psychiatrist. Just a slave to psychiatry. I'm so sick of it that I have to order modafinil online. I like my psychiatrist though and it's really unfortunate.

He said that it can cause psychosis but I mean lets be realistic here.. I haven't heard of anyone getting psychosis from modafinil except if it's abused to stay awake day and night, it's not considered as a stimulant by a lot of people, it can just be stopped if I get psychosis because what do I have to lose? If I stop the Abilify, I'll get psychosis anyways..

My psychologist/psych nurse wants an increase in the Concerta and my mom is probably going to make a scene because she would stand on a chair, turn on the light and get frustrated and yell about why I'm sleeping all the time.

I'm so damn tired maybe I should see a sleep doctor. I feel like I'm not worth treatment and that my problems don't matter only schizophrenia because of it's stigma.

My head feels foggy. Abilify made me go from manic psychotic hypersexual to asexual zombie so like I'm not even interested in relationships like I don't care at all.

I'm just pissed now.

Maybe I should stop the abilify and see if I'm fine or at least lower it its worth a try.

I feel like it doesn't matter and I should just stay quiet though but what I want to do is fight for my quality of life.

But people are trying to help me.

I was the one that worked WITH my inpatient psychiatrist to go back on the abilify even though I was taken off of it because of severe side effects. I knew I would build tolerance and now I'm on a high dose. I said to stop the benzos and he did.

That has to say something. I know I have to stand up for myself but I don't have the energy. It really pissed me off when Newtus was on that Haldol injection. They didn't care at all.

People are leaving this world because of ****** psychiatry and I heard on the news recently that they are finally taking treatment seriously.