Roll Call 73

Yep, that's how my internal monologue goes.

Really nervous tomorrow to tell the pdoc thatrisperdal wasn't helping too much

it'll be okay.

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Every med that I've been on was the max dose.

I'm going to have to write what I have to say on paper because I feel intimidated by my psychiatrist unfortunately like my first one. I have no say and feel trapped.. He says no and interrupts me when I try to talk. It's been like this always except with my inpatient psychiatrist. Just a slave to psychiatry. I'm so sick of it that I have to order modafinil online. I like my psychiatrist though and it's really unfortunate.

He said that it can cause psychosis but I mean lets be realistic here.. I haven't heard of anyone getting psychosis from modafinil except if it's abused to stay awake day and night, it's not considered as a stimulant by a lot of people, it can just be stopped if I get psychosis because what do I have to lose? If I stop the Abilify, I'll get psychosis anyways..

My psychologist/psych nurse wants an increase in the Concerta and my mom is probably going to make a scene because she would stand on a chair, turn on the light and get frustrated and yell about why I'm sleeping all the time.

I'm so damn tired maybe I should see a sleep doctor. I feel like I'm not worth treatment and that my problems don't matter only schizophrenia because of it's stigma.

My head feels foggy. Abilify made me go from manic psychotic hypersexual to asexual zombie so like I'm not even interested in relationships like I don't care at all.

I'm just pissed now.

Maybe I should stop the abilify and see if I'm fine or at least lower it its worth a try.

I feel like it doesn't matter and I should just stay quiet though but what I want to do is fight for my quality of life.

But people are trying to help me.

I was the one that worked WITH my inpatient psychiatrist to go back on the abilify even though I was taken off of it because of severe side effects. I knew I would build tolerance and now I'm on a high dose. I said to stop the benzos and he did.

That has to say something. I know I have to stand up for myself but I don't have the energy. It really pissed me off when Newtus was on that Haldol injection. They didn't care at all.

People are leaving this world because of ****** psychiatry and I heard on the news recently that they are finally taking treatment seriously.

i decided to eat some toast and i also decided to go to my moms after game night.

i guess im in my own little world

Why? ......

.

i dunno i just feel out of it and im nnot really commenting on the other posts im just posting dumb stuff about myself cuz im selfish i guess?? i dunno. i feel bad feelings but im trying to eat toast so maybe that will help. maybe

You aren't doing anything wrong or bad.

Doc told me I'll be on meds for life. Finding that really hard to deal with.

My doc said something similar the last time I saw her but IMO that's one pdoc's opinion and not necessarily a fact. I think its better for me to be on them but if I try having kids I might go off. I need to ask her about that possibility as we haven't discussed it specifically.

I know the feeling

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I'm old so I don't care anymore. But if I'd heard that when I was young, it would have bothered me a lot.

Guys there's a Pokemon Direct conference tomorrow with big Pokemon news and there were leaked images of logos for Pokemon Sun and Pokemon Moon.

*Fingers crossed that tomorrow is the big announcement for a new game

all my pdocs at this clinic. including the social workers and therapists said id be on meds for life. idk what my current pdoc thinks but i think this clinic is like a complete med mill.

I feel trapped too... I remembered when I saw my psychiatrist for the very first time. I had depression and schizophrenia. 3 years later I left him with schizophrenia, depression, panic attacks, anxiety, bipolar, akethasia, and anhedonia. I didn't like that dr. He didn't listen very well.

omggg!!!
this is huge!
i gotta get the new pokemon.

We were talking about that. He said to tackle that when it comes up but it's unlikely I'll be able to come off them. He said that in the early stages is when I'll be the most vulnerable but that goes against anything I've read which says that it's in the later stages where it becomes a problem. I don't know what to think. He an auld lad so I'm sure he knows what he's talking about and has seen it before. But you're right, it is just his subjective opinion.

They had told me before I'd only be on them for a few years, but apparently I've relapsed after coming off them straight away when it gradually came out of my system so that's not good. Thanks for relating with me, my parents and fiance had a very 'so what' attitude when I told them.

Did you find that hard to deal with? I'm not med compliant and I'm not sure if I ever will be, I'm tied to taking this injection. I don't feel like I should have to take something like that to live. I mean wtf is wrong with me?

Yes, I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know what to say, but I do know how upsetting the thought of it is.

My pill bottle has a brand new 3rd trimester warning---apparently the babies get withdrawal from being taken off just like we do. I think he may be talking about the possibility of mutations though early on-----the bulk of the meds are category C which means they cause mutations in animals but it hasn't been shown in humans yet. The only "good" one is latuda which is category B no mutations in animals or humans but not enough data to say its safe yet.

My doctors I've had tell me I will probably be on meds for life. I figure that's okay because I've found a combo that not only works for me but has no side effects at all.

I go through phases where I want to get off my meds but I have to remind myself what happens when I do.

It really is like a diabetic having to take insulin for life, it's not something we like but that's just the way it is, there are worse things that could be going on than having to take pills or getting shots.




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That's exactly how he described it, as taking insulin. I know it could totally be so much worse, I just find it hard to believe there's anything actually biologically wrong with me that I need to take meds. I think I'm struggling with reality at the moment.

i found it very hard to deal with because i dont believe i need it to live either. but then its like my paranoia comes around and/or my hallucinations or something and i have to take the medicine. ive been taking it so long idk whether its useful or not.

i realize im taking a bit less than what i used to take but that less has made me wonder if i really need it or not.

im still really confused whether or not i need meds for life

i dont want them for life though

Door wanted me to tell you all shes at work but she misses everyone!