Hello PC Community,

As I stated in my introduction in "New pup on your doorstep" in the new member introduction forum, I am suffering from untreated depression and anxiety.These are the reasons why I didn't take meds:

1. All the psychiatrists in my area don't take me seriously. They thought I only have hormone imbalance. We pay like $19.25/session (My currency to dollars and $19.25 is too much here). The session lasts for only like 3-7 min.
2. I know I can handle myself without antidepressants. I've experimented myself without meds vs myself with meds and I've found out that all I need is love, understanding and acceptance.

Long story short; I'm dying fast mentally and slow physically. I hate where I'm living. I don't have friends (And I'm fine being lonely) mainly because I had friendship issues before which includes peer pressure and them controlling me. My parents only buy me stuff and support my basic needs except time, love and attention. My family doesn't really like me because according to them, "You are not Christian. You have bad influence." They are ashamed everytime I don't "Dress up properly", "Talk about different philosophies, "Choosing an art related career instead of medicine." etc.

I get real sick whenever I hear all of these stuff. I can't express myself. I would BINGE-EAT every time just to feel satisfied, after that, I keep condemning myself for having a body of a mother when I'm only 15. Then vomit then go to sleep. Then cry a lot till my upper torso hurts. I just can't control myself. I am a living zombie everyday. I could exercise but it gets really boring. I like dancing but can't find any good hip hop zumba. I would paint and draw, just afraid my mom will condemn me for drawing unrealistic themes.

I once asked my father if I was just an experiment, and he said yes.

He said my sisters should be the one inspiring me to live, not my philosophies.

Too be honest, I hate my parents. I hate my family. I hate everyone here. The only person who accepts for who I am is far away.

I'm here to ask for some advice. Just don't make me talk to my family, I talked to them many times they just brushed it off and laughed.

I hate it when people say "You are too young to have depression! Stop being so emo." I'm not even emo, not even the slightest.

How can I stop binge-eating? What would I do if I'm really about to cry especially when I'm in the public? How can I stop hating myself?