Fighting depression (not really)

Hello PC Community,

As I stated in my introduction in "New pup on your doorstep" in the new member introduction forum, I am suffering from untreated depression and anxiety.These are the reasons why I didn't take meds:

1. All the psychiatrists in my area don't take me seriously. They thought I only have hormone imbalance. We pay like $19.25/session (My currency to dollars and $19.25 is too much here). The session lasts for only like 3-7 min.
2. I know I can handle myself without antidepressants. I've experimented myself without meds vs myself with meds and I've found out that all I need is love, understanding and acceptance.

Long story short; I'm dying fast mentally and slow physically. I hate where I'm living. I don't have friends (And I'm fine being lonely) mainly because I had friendship issues before which includes peer pressure and them controlling me. My parents only buy me stuff and support my basic needs except time, love and attention. My family doesn't really like me because according to them, "You are not Christian. You have bad influence." They are ashamed everytime I don't "Dress up properly", "Talk about different philosophies, "Choosing an art related career instead of medicine." etc.

I get real sick whenever I hear all of these stuff. I can't express myself. I would BINGE-EAT every time just to feel satisfied, after that, I keep condemning myself for having a body of a mother when I'm only 15. Then vomit then go to sleep. Then cry a lot till my upper torso hurts. I just can't control myself. I am a living zombie everyday. I could exercise but it gets really boring. I like dancing but can't find any good hip hop zumba. I would paint and draw, just afraid my mom will condemn me for drawing unrealistic themes.

I once asked my father if I was just an experiment, and he said yes.

He said my sisters should be the one inspiring me to live, not my philosophies.

Too be honest, I hate my parents. I hate my family. I hate everyone here. The only person who accepts for who I am is far away.

I'm here to ask for some advice. Just don't make me talk to my family, I talked to them many times they just brushed it off and laughed.

I hate it when people say "You are too young to have depression! Stop being so emo." I'm not even emo, not even the slightest.

How can I stop binge-eating? What would I do if I'm really about to cry especially when I'm in the public? How can I stop hating myself?

❤️

Hello & Welcome, NeuronLighShow.
Many people are here at PC for that very reason - they (we) can't talk to family; no understanding or sympathy there.
Excellent. Particularly for people in their teens up through early twenties, using antidepressant medications usually requires special care and attention, which too often is not available. It certainly does not sound available in your situation.

You've already tried a psychiatrist. Would it be possible to speak with a family doctor or general practitioner and list your symptoms (only the symptoms) for them? It would be valuable to rule out other potential problems (e.g. various anemias and thyroid disorders).
I do not know. I've never succeeded in overcoming all self-hate. I usually suppress the thoughts temporarily. My mind wanders enough that those thoughts don't linger.

I speculate that, in time, the most turbulent feelings of self-hate will recede as you accumulate accomplishments that are meaningful to you - reading a book, doing a craft project, getting a satisfying grade on a school project, caring for a pet, travel, enjoying nature, and innumerable other possibilities.

Binge Eating Forum

Please make yourself at home here.

Hello NeronLighShow: I'm sorry you are struggling. I am also mainly alone. However, in my case, I'm old. So it is easier I would guess. And I also harbor a lot of self hate. I don't know that I have any great suggestions for you. Myself, I follow the self-help practices taught by the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön in her various books. Without these teachings, I'm not sure where I would be. I send warm wishes your way with the hope that you will be able to find your way through your present difficulty to a place of deep inner peace...

So glad you found a place to reach out to! How awful to be so misunderstood by your family. Life can be very easy when you live in a black-and-white world - it takes a lot of effort to think past socialized boundaries, and your family just doesn't seem to be up to the task.

I saw this post and thought of you: http://newbuddhist.com/discussion/84...ed-in-buddhism
So many principles from the Buddhist philosophy that I think may help you as you walk your own path. I say "philosophy", not "religion" . . . Buddhist principles focus on one's true Self, learning tolerance and acceptance, focus on personal/spiritual growth . . . exactly what a depressed person needs . . . it's just with the Buddhist label. Perhaps there are some Buddhist centers or practitioners near you that you can reach out to.

Since psychiatrists are not very helpful in your region, you might want to peruse YouTube - there are SO many talks by professionals of all types . . . perhaps you can find some support that way.

Wishing you well!

I am glad you came to research your options and emotional support. I did too.

i have went through the religious stuff with my family - i still do ...
my mother was a preacher - protestant christian - and i was raised on those beliefs pretty hard core... my whole family is christian - i am the only one that will come out and blatantly say without fear "im not a christian" and "i hate religion"
and of course they give me strange looks and say things but it doesnt bother me anymore... i started my spiritual conquest when i was 13 years old... so im used to a lot of different judgements and attitudes...

i guess what im trying to say - search for the truth - your truth... what makes sense to you, you have the right to decide what to believe in... you dont have to submit blindly to someone elses faith especially if you dont agree with it...

my life is a mess though, i went through a lot of stuff.. i renounced all of that religious stuff, not saying that god isnt real and that jesus is a fake or anything - not attacking any religions or anything because i respect oter peoples beliefs... but for me i had had enough... i couldn't believe in that stuff anymore because it didnt make sense to ME...
i started researching my own thoughts, looking for answers, all of that... im at peace with my spirituality - i just wish i had a bit of divine help sometimes....

but i go through the judgements of all my family telling me things like if i dont start reading the bible and going to church im gonna go to hell... if i dont do this and stop doing this then im going to be tortured in horrible ways...
( i guess what they dont realize is i already live in hell here on earth with these mental disorders... )
all the time hearing bible verses why im wrong and that im a heathen for not blindly following every single thing they say ....
it just doesnt bother me anymore though because i just look at them like they are really confused and that they dont know what really is real....

follow your heart, read many many things... seek the truths you are looking for, if the religion isn't right for you then i think that is just fine, just try to respect that others have different beliefs too and that is their choice just as its your choice...
i am still searching - i think its a life long search... but you learn everyday about yourself and spirituallity, about what god is or could be... just explore it and try not to fall into a trap - like a cult...

i am spiritual but not religious... dunno if you maybe would like to read about that type of thing... you dont have to follow a religion to be close to god.... or to beable to believe in a creator or source...

personally i have an extremely abstract way of thinking about what we are - what god is - what the point of all this is... and i dont know if i can put it into words...
need to have another intelligent person sit down with me to try to articulate these abstract... ïmages i have in my mind... because its like pictures - not words... hard to describe what i see ya know ...

i know that customs are different in other parts of the world, so please dont do something that will get you in a lot of trouble ok?

i just think that every individual human being has the right to express themselves...
we are all unique .... and you are special...
dont let someone telling you these bad things make you feel bad about yourself, because you are probably a really nice person - just looking for answers...

15 years is still young, im 26 years and im still young...
there is time to figure things out, to work things out... dont try to rush things, just try to follow your heart - let that intuition guide you...
im not saying you are too young to know anyhting, because clearly you are inteligent ... and you are searching for answers because you are posting on forums ....

well im going to stop writing there -
but please post more, if you want and feel like talking more, i would love to try to help if i can... 15 years is a tough age... you're growing into an adult and you're trying to figure yourself out, its important that you have good support...

i think people here would try to offer you good support...

i know its not always easy to see a doctor... so maybe talking here will help a little - help figure out what to do maybe...

much love...
stay strong....