Quote:
Originally Posted by throwaway123
Hello all. I've been searching for a forum to ask other people who have been through abuse some of the similar things I have and I also had a side problem I hope someone can help me with but let's get down to the root of the problem.
I'm looking to move out in 2-3 months in with my boyfriend whom is across the country. Which is a large decision for me, aside from just moving out somewhere in state. Honestly, I'm just not sure it's the best decision - I've been going back and forth for a long time.
My parents are both abusive, although my father is, for the most part, just physically abusive. I always feel as if I complain too much since it's not a constant thing - it's not every week or even every month but when it happens, it lasts for a few hours every time and ends up with a few bruises and cuts.
At the same time though, I do feel like it's mostly my fault. In general, I tend to get on peoples nerves or bother them because I don't understand some things very well (I had very little outside social interaction growing up, outside from the internet). I feel like I'm overreacting and it wouldn't happen if I had done what my parents wanted (which, in this case, was various things like speaking louder, reading some books, etc).
But, at the same time as that, I feel like treating people that way is unacceptable. Buuuuut, at the same time as that, I don't think I give people any other choice. You see the back and forth.
So, I don't know if I should leave. And moreover, I'm not very well versed with... well, "outside" things. People, jobs, etc - I can count the number of people I've been friends with IRL, and I've never had a job. It would be very hard for me. And another problem I have is that I don't take people seriously unless they get very, very angry with me. It's led to people thinking I enjoy it or like it and I don't - I just don't respond to anything else because I'm not used to anything else to respond to, if that makes sense. Idk.
I know this is a big jumble, but I hope someone can give me some insight on what I should do.
Also, I'm 19, almost 20 in July.
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Hello dear. Let me tell you what I see and ask some questions.
First, do you have some sort of diagnosed disability that has caused you to be reclusive, not able to get out and meet people IRL? That kind of diagnosis will affect how good people's advice can be. If you have been diagnosed with something that keeps you back in that manner, then some of my advice may just not be relevant. OR, did you not get out and socialize much because your parents wouldn't let you, or because you were too afraid to let people into your life due to shame and fear of your parents?
When I was growing up, we didn't have all the computers and such, but I didn't invited friends over to my house because my SM was so mean, because I knew that something ugly could happen with a friend there and I would be ashamed. So I understand growing up without a lot of friends.
What I see you doing in your post is minimizing your abuse. I see it, because I tend to do the same and my therapist calls me out on it! The frequency of it has nothing to do with the severity of it. Also, the fact that you are accepting blame for it is typical of an abused child. This is wrong, even if you have some issues in being able to understand people, you do not deserve to be abused over it. And I will promise you, people do not only abuse physically, if you are being physically abused, you are being emotionally/mentally abused too.
The boyfriend??? Have you met him in person or is this a relationship built online? What exactly are the doubts you are having? If the doubts are about him personally, I suggest waiting until you know for sure. You don't want to jump from the frying pan into the fire. Though I know how tempting it is just to get out of the frying pan, I did it.
If the doubts are about the new location, distance, etc., well, new things can be scary, especially coming from your (our) abusive background. Have courage, Be strong, be adventurous!