Hello dear. Let me tell you what I see and ask some questions.

First, do you have some sort of diagnosed disability that has caused you to be reclusive, not able to get out and meet people IRL? That kind of diagnosis will affect how good people's advice can be. If you have been diagnosed with something that keeps you back in that manner, then some of my advice may just not be relevant. OR, did you not get out and socialize much because your parents wouldn't let you, or because you were too afraid to let people into your life due to shame and fear of your parents?

When I was growing up, we didn't have all the computers and such, but I didn't invited friends over to my house because my SM was so mean, because I knew that something ugly could happen with a friend there and I would be ashamed. So I understand growing up without a lot of friends.

What I see you doing in your post is minimizing your abuse. I see it, because I tend to do the same and my therapist calls me out on it! The frequency of it has nothing to do with the severity of it. Also, the fact that you are accepting blame for it is typical of an abused child. This is wrong, even if you have some issues in being able to understand people, you do not deserve to be abused over it. And I will promise you, people do not only abuse physically, if you are being physically abused, you are being emotionally/mentally abused too.

The boyfriend??? Have you met him in person or is this a relationship built online? What exactly are the doubts you are having? If the doubts are about him personally, I suggest waiting until you know for sure. You don't want to jump from the frying pan into the fire. Though I know how tempting it is just to get out of the frying pan, I did it.

If the doubts are about the new location, distance, etc., well, new things can be scary, especially coming from your (our) abusive background. Have courage, Be strong, be adventurous!