I do know that with my current SO - we have had to adjust because we want opposite responses when things are going rough for each of us. What she wants (and tried to do for me) was awful for me and created the exact opposite of what she was going for = and me with her. So we sort of had to agree to just do the opposite like when she is upset, she wants me there and holding her etc. When I am upset, I need tons of space and to not talk about it and no touching -that sort of thing.