I feel like I have a black cloud constantly over my head. I am so negative and angry and just disgusted with life. I hate to wake up in the morning and go through another day. I am finally working a temp job which is progress since I was not working for 2 years due to depression. I hate it though but need the paycheck. Since my depression I have lost all of my friends and I barely have contact with my family. All I have is my bf who still loves me and I have no idea why. Even that is depressing because we have problems and I am unhappy in the relationship even though I love him (if that makes sense). Anyway when I was going through my depression at its worse I could not talk to anyone. I just could not hold a conversation so I avoided people. Some people tried to reach out to me but I didn't want to talk. I would email people though and say really negative things which they would not respond to. That would end up making me hurt and angry. This happened with most of my friends. I would try to explain how I was feeling and why I was withdrawing and get a little too deep I guess and they couldn't handle it. They just would not respond at all. I just felt so hurt I thought it was so insensitive. So I stopped emailing people back as well. Then I was just pissed off at everyone for being so insensitive and unsympathetic to my mental state. I had lost my mom unexpectedly and was unemployed and having money problems and car problems and was about to be evicted and I lost it. Couldn't anyone understand how I could lose it? At any rate 1 and 1/2 years later I decided to try to salvage some of the relationships and I emailed people. I got one response. Then I emailed her and told her that I was a little hurt that nobody was responding to me when everyone knew what I was going through, but that I know people probably didn't know what to say or do. After I said that I haven't heard from her. I emailed her again and said I hope I didn't offend you but I'm trying to be honest with people and I'm trying to salvage some of my friendships that I lost during my difficulties. Still no response. So did I do something wrong? I feel like I can't win whatever I do. Whatever comes out of my mouth either pisses people off or makes them uncomfortable. I also, during my dark days, hinted to 2 people that I wish I wasn't here. I got no response. I felt like they didn't care. Am I wrong to feel so hurt and betrayed? Now I have no friends and I am not an outgoing person. These people I have known for years. I am really upset. I had a nervous breakdown can't people understand that. Can't they understand that yes I may have said crazy things maybe even hurtful things but I wasn't myself. I'm trying to make things right. I needed to vent because I am really upset and feeling alone, betrayed and abandoned and misunderstood. Any thoughts would be appreciated and sorry I went on for so long.

Thanks,

Bree.