its ok
it didnt really scare me, just something that i hadn't thought about before!
appreciate it because it may be important thing to look into

after so many years i feel pretty certain it cant kill me... just worried about maybe a tumor or something ... but i dont have frequent headaches so i dunno... but when i do have a headache its terrriibblee...
a throbbing pain through the whole head but that could just be from stress i guess.. its not very often, maybe 1 a month or less even

when i went to the psychologist for the last evaluation i told him i wanted to figure out what was going on because ididnt believe i had bipolar and believed it to be mdd and adhd looking like bipolar and also told him that im worried that if its not adhd then maybe its a tumor!
but im thinking its not... since i dont have seizures or faint or have frequent headaches and other things..
but i guess you never know until you see a professional about it...
hoping i get the insurance because i have a pdoc i really want to go to because he seems to be really understanding and interested in whats going on instead of just prescribing meds .. its just too expensive for me to pay out of pocket to go to him or any other pdoc really..
and GP wont give me any more meds besides the wellbutrin because "im a complex case" she wants me to go to pdoc.. i understand that but she could atleast put me back on the klonopin since she can see on the records that i was taking them and she even gave me refills for klonopin once or twice - oh well

im doing ok today though... strangely... because i dont have any cigs or any other things to chemically "distract" my mind..

i think its because the "judgement day" is coming close and im hopeful that i can convince the judge to help... if i was a judge and looked at my case i would be like GIVE HIM WHATEVER HE WANTS!!! THIS GUY NEEDS OUR HELP STAT

but i guess we all know how those people can be :/

i dont really care about the money they would give me with the benifits... even though that would help tremendously.. i just really need the insurance ya know ?
crossing everything on/in my body that i can for luck (even though i dont believe in luck)