T doesn't understand the crisis I'm in today.

My walls are crumbling down and I feel suffucated by the pain. I'm overwhelmed from a bunch of unpaid bills, scared, thoughts of suicide, and I just feel like giving up.

I talked to my T on the phone earlier and got calmed down. And then, later on something else triggered me into falling apart again.

So I called and asked T for a session if I could come up with the money and he emailed me back and said that even if I could come up with the money, that he has no available slots.

So now I'm in this stressful, painful, life-changing position in my life and it feels like the world is crumbling on me and I can't stop crying.

And I was supposed to start a job this week and that is being put off until next week. Because I was supposed to take a physical but didn't have the money.

And someone wrote me a nasty email this morning when I asked for help with some bills and that is what triggered this whole episode to begin with. Wait, actually, it's probably the past due bills that are triggering this.

I've had panic attacks today over the unpaid bills. I'm behind on my car insurance, life insurance, among other bills.

I just feel like I want to die.