Quote:
Originally Posted by CassyO
This thread has completely thrown me. 
I didn't read it for ages - didn't think it applied to me. Didn't resonate at all. But its saturday morning, Im bored, and surfing.
But I can identify with pretty much every response. I knew I got really really panicky before sessions, and I knew my T made me nervous, and I knew I felt really desperately uncomfortable, almost rebellious about my T having so much power/ control over my mind - and ultimately my life. And I certainly spend a lot of time in sessions staring at the floor, fiddling with accessories, dissociating off to god knows where, soft voicing it, or just cancelling altogether. But I never equated that with feeling vulnerable, let alone seeing it (all) as a coping mechanism for feeling vulnerable. I didn't really think I felt anything other than uncomfortable.
Its such a weird, surreal feeling - to realise that pretty much all my responses ever in therapy are down to me feeling vulnerable. I mean, it does make sense, but its kind of depressing. I thought I was stronger than that, and its making me want to quit even more now. |
I don't think it has anything to do with
weakness, not really. If anything, It's a sign of strength that you have continued to go, despite being desperately uncomfortable. And who
wouldn't feel at least a little bit uncomfortable or vulnerable baring their soul to someone period, let alone someone who does not bare theirs back to you?
Aren't people always saying that bravery isn't a lack of fear, it's the overcoming of it? Any day I manage to get out of bed and put on pants despite feeling afraid, anxious, vulnerable, or depressed is a win.
And if I can get through a session without punching the person trying to help me (because sometimes the situation IS that threatening to me) then, well, bully for me.