Thanks you all.
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It's hard to always make an effort and to try, try, try. And struggle, struggle, struggle. I get sick of it.
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I just sorta wish I could give a breat, but each time I resolve one thing, another thing pops up.
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Stay strong. Many of us look up to you. The rest don't know you yet. Is not adding pressure to the cooker, only stating that you have earned the place we have you in.
Keep making us proud. God will provide if you ask.
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Thanks. Maybe I can think of this as character building.
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Hi, I understand, I am in the same position as you, often we feel the need to put on a front sometimes I think that if others see me laughing, smiling, being open that somehow I will convince myself that I really am. Sometimes it works but mostly it does not. I personally think that people like you are very strong, because it takes a lot more strength to persist through life's trials and tribulations and still try to function as a "normal" member of society.
Don't give up!
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I need much more though, than pretend to be "normal". I need to be a superwoman basically, eh. But then again... there are many people who are that strong and maybe I am just expected to be one of them.
So i keep going... until I can afford to crash. Then I take retreat and hope I will be able to get up soon.
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Can you ask your T or p-doc for recommendations and/or meds to help alleviate your stress level? You may not want to do the benzos, but that's what works for me. 
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No doctors. Gotten myself rescue remedy from healthstore, that will have to do. I cannot afford to use anything that would dull my thinking anyways.
Benzos sound too tempting for my addictive personality.
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Glory to heroes!
HATEFREE CULTURE