Been living with bipolar for 28 years. Feeling very suicidal again and it takes all my effort to keep from acting on a plan (after 28 years I have plenty) I felt this way in October and went IP for a week and a partial
Program for three after that. It takes a LOT for me to be willing to go IP because I don't think it helps for than a few months at most. I decided to go because I thought "before I complete suicide I could at least try the hospital once more". Needless to say despite following all the docs recommendations missing no appointments doing mindfulness meditations relaxation and everything else I can get my hands on I'm just as depressed as before.

I won't go back to the hospital because it was extremely unpleasant despite being one of the best in the area (expensive!) and the staff and MD were wonderful. They just don't have any magic powers to treat my illness.

That said, now that I've ruled out the hospital and feel extremely suicidal I feel more hopeless than ever. I know this is asking a lot but if you have any ideas besides committing myself I'd be grateful for your input.

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