Very depressed but not willing to go IP again

Been living with bipolar for 28 years. Feeling very suicidal again and it takes all my effort to keep from acting on a plan (after 28 years I have plenty) I felt this way in October and went IP for a week and a partial
Program for three after that. It takes a LOT for me to be willing to go IP because I don't think it helps for than a few months at most. I decided to go because I thought "before I complete suicide I could at least try the hospital once more". Needless to say despite following all the docs recommendations missing no appointments doing mindfulness meditations relaxation and everything else I can get my hands on I'm just as depressed as before.

I won't go back to the hospital because it was extremely unpleasant despite being one of the best in the area (expensive!) and the staff and MD were wonderful. They just don't have any magic powers to treat my illness.

That said, now that I've ruled out the hospital and feel extremely suicidal I feel more hopeless than ever. I know this is asking a lot but if you have any ideas besides committing myself I'd be grateful for your input.

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Hi and welcome...I was in and out of hospital 3 times last year with depression so I completely understand. Are you in therapy and taking meds...maybe a change in meds is needed. I wish you the best and big hugs. So sorry your going through this right now

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I am not normally sui, but I understand where you are coming from. I always try to remember (I know it is hard, maybe impossible) that this is a brain chemical thing and that it WILL get better.
Do you have loved ones or friends? A t once told me if I hurt myself, their lives would never ever be the same. That helped me often hold on.
I am so sorry you are suffering. Blessings for improvement.

I've had good experiences calling the crisis line when i'm near to suicide. Talking it over with another human puts it all in perspective. One time after we'd talked for a while they said to call back in a hour and tell them how i was doing. I thought that was really thoughtful. Sure enough, when i called later i was doing better.

I find that when my mind sabatogues me to call the hospital, they normally have a counselor on staff that you can talk to for free if you are depressed. They will talk for free and it is most helpful. Then turn on some good music, make yourself a wonderful meal and eat it. Then watch a good movie if you can and call someone up and talk about the movie, what you thought of it, how you enjoyed it... that will help out some... and journaling... blessings and tc

====================(((HUGS)))===================

After being IP several times I've come to expect much less from the experience. That said, I've recognized a few benefits to IP. I know I'll be safe from my own hand for 4 or 5 days and I'll be in a different environment--not the same 4 walls. Also, I won't have to cook or go pick-up dinner; the decision is made for me. If that's enough for you, it's worth it. If not, please call a help line.

I've been pondering ect myself recently need to ask the pdoc about it, but don't wanna zap the schooling right outa my brain before I finish. I know its a radical treatment but its a possibility. I've never called the crisis line myself (though I have the number in my phone), but when I'm suicidal I just can never get it in me to make the call. I just sit there and stew about my thoughts...

They never do have any "magic powers" to treat our illnesses. They do, however, have knowledge about different drug therapies to try. Perhaps there is a combination of drugs they have not tried on you yet that will do the trick, and being hospitalized will enable them to make the changes more quickly as they observe you. Or perhaps you could try ECT (which I would consider if I was in a long-term depression that was not responding to medication). I am an eternal optimist (most of the time) and I believe there HAS to be a way for you to get out of this depression.

I'm assuming you're taking good care of your mental health with routine, exercise, good diet, good sleep hygiene, etc. Have you seen your GP lately to get a physical, just in case there are underlying physical health problems? I get routine blood work, and it's nice to know that my thyroid is okay and Vitamin D levels are okay, etc. I recently had low Vitamin D and taking a Vitamin D supplement really helped my depression.

Best wishes! We're pulling for you! There is hope.

See a shaman,if that's your last resort,I know someone whose anxiety was cured that way.
You have lower spirits harassing you and bringing you down and you can get rid of them.
If you're not spiritual,feel free to ignore my post.

If you are actively suicidal, it's time to go IP if possible. At least you will be safe. You explained a decent and safe environment to go to. Could you return to the same place with the great doctors? I definitely think you should reach out quickly.

****potential trigger warning below******

Asking someone if they have loved ones and saying they will ruin their lives could backfire. First, they may not feel they have loved ones in their current state. Next, they may not have any friends or relatives and this could remind them. Statistics on children committing the same act in response can be read and applied in an opposite fashion. It's all very sensitive.