So I don't know if I'd call this a success story as much as uncovering another layer. I was taking a ride home with a friend of mine (sometimes I carpool, basically) and I kind of uncovered one layer (emphasis on "one" because I don't think it's going to magically explain everything). So basically it comes back to 2013, and that group I might have talked about earlier (I know I definitely talk about them a lot, but I think I'm just realizing the extent of the damage I got from that year. This year's been upsetting in places, but I am at least getting stuff resolved. 2013, on the other hand...). One intrusive thought I have does seem to be a stuck segment from a video from one of them I watched (basically a character in a film saying something I won't repeat there -- that was the intrusive/stuck thought), and the more I examine it, the video it was from, and what happened in 2013 in general, the more I kind of realize that group just did some awful stuff. For example, there was that one person who made fun of people with panic attacks, and someone else who



It was kind of for, if I recall correctly, some sort of handing-out-autism-badges thing. I guess it doesn't help that it's kind of a personal matter for me -- I've struggled with being on the autistic spectrum...probably since I was little, at least. So that...that definitely hit a nerve. It was one of many things, really, that made 2013 awful.

I know I probably shouldn't care as much about those people as I do (I mean, I'm away from them, thank God. And I think getting away from them was the right thing to do), but I guess finding that making links between certain things is kind of helpful. It didn't cause my OCD, because I've had that since I was little as well (I think I got it from my mom -- she has a lot of OCD traits), but I think it definitely exacerbated it. So there is that. I remember also just turning to horror movies and such as a bit of an escape from stuff going on in the real world (which is a weird choice, I know, but for me it worked), so that's another piece of how that fits in. It feels like a highlight reel, honestly, of just how-did-I-not-realize-how-screwed-up-this-is. Mom also suggested that I had sort of been in that group so long their behavior seemed almost normal.

So I found one possible root of one intrusive thought. And weirdly enough, finding the possible root kind of weakened its power a little. Which is a plus.