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Originally Posted by PlannedObsolescence
Hey all, Got a bit of a dilemma that some outside advice may give clarity on so I figured I'd ask!
I got divorced approximately 1.5 years ago and I have a 9 year old and 15 year old child. I share both the kids 50% of the time with their mother. We have a very good working relationship for the sake of the kids. There is no animosity or hard feelings. The divorce went smooth and both of us have moved on into new relationships.
My issue is with the woman I am currently seeing. It just crossed the one year mark and recently, an issue has come up where she doesn't feel that we have enough alone time. We get a few nights a week and Friday night together. Other than that, I have my kids. She wants more than that. She wants me to have a couple weekends a month with no kids so we can spend some alone time together. I do agree with her on this but I also love having my kids when I can have them so I have not made any changes. We've gotten to a crossroad where it is her way or my way. I'm thinking of keeping it my way and letting her go but that is easier said than done. I love her and my kids adore her so it wouldnt be an easy split.
I don't want to ramble on for too much longer so I'll end it here. Just want to know how you guys and gals make time for your adult needs and wants when you have kids that also want to see you. I feel guilty leaving them with their mom on one of my nights so my gf and I can go to a movie or dinner.
Thanks in advance!!
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I will be honest and say I read to the point where she is asking you to have them for less time with kids and that's when I jumped in. Your kids are a responsibility and for many including me, time with them in a divorced situation is a privilege and a blessing. NO two ways about it in my mind. GF, new wife (as I said in another post) or other Significant other is being completely unrealistic, unfair and selfish to ask you to sacrifice your children for them. For me, being a single father with two boys, any woman that wants time with me has to first accept my kids are priority and leisure solitude is a secondary thing. If they can't accept it, there's the door. Period.
Kids are a responsibility of a parent and they have no choice in the matter, they are not pawns in a game to be moved around a board. In the ideal situation the parents would not have the choice but have the kids 100% of the time - albeit in that same situation would both be there simultaneously but I only point this out to illustrate that our kids would normally not be something we could just toss away for a little romance time with a new gf (or other romantic interest)
Accept her way and I guarantee you that this does not stop. It will be enabling her manipulative and controlling behavior to escalate. Mind you I am NOT saying she is controlling but that she shows this tendency and you can either nip it in the bud, or enable her. Enabling her is what will potentially make her tempted to go further with this behavior. Make a stand in this relationship and it will either make her give up and it will strengthen the relationship in other ways or she will show you whether she is the right woman for you.
Hope this helps.