My Partner and I have been in counseling for a while now. We're getting better at communicating but we had another bad fight the other night.

I can see what I did that triggered the argument and triggered my partner, but it resulted in a a bad moment of name-calling, and direct, intentional verbal abuse that was way out of line and I'm not okay with it. I tried to stand up for myself in the moment and draw a line, but failed. I just kind of caved and waited for the storm to pass. I felt smashed. Yesterday I was depressed and hurt all day.

We talked about it last night. I owned up to my part (not listening to her concerns and acting annoyed) and she apologized for what she said, but just really wanted to make up and be affectionate.
I'm resentful because I feel like I'm always the one who has to deescalate the situation. I'm doing most of the talking, mirroring, and decoding of her feelings. I'm always the one who has to deconstruct what actually happened and what went wrong. My partner apologizes but then turns the focus back around her own hurt and I never really get to focus on my own anger at being abused. And it still feels like underneath it all, I'm being blamed for her behavior.

Today she was being cold to me, saying that the resolution —*wherein I did most of the work owning up to my own shit— 'didn't leave things feeling right' . So she's still feeling upset. She did harm to me, and she's drawing it out to continue being the "most" wounded party.

So I called her out in an email. I called out her abusive behavior and told her that I have my own hurt and needs to.

The issue is this: I'm re-reading the email and I'm feeling the strong need to go back and apologize for stating my case. This is my problem whenever I speak up and get angry for my own reasons, I want to cave in and fix it for her. I have the hardest time telling my own truth and our dynamic plays right into that.

All I can think is that this is going to make things worse and I should just play nice and stop fighting.