Reluctantly, I agree to do this. I want my old life back too - desperately. BP seems to come at such a huge cost. I hate and resent it. I sure liked my life when I was manic. But I couldn't maintain it.

I know that it simply wouldn't return just because I were to stop the meds. I ruined it all forever.

So now, like a good girl, I take my medication. I dream of the day I might have a glimpse of my old life and make do with what it has become. I get the reminders all the time of my former life; not just the good but how it all came crashing down.