I am SO glad you are safe. It's horrific what's happening with that fire. The video from people driving down Hwy 63.... my God. Harrowing.

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I'm going to try to get some things done today. After yet more raging meltdown yesterday, it's starting to dawn on me that this might be mixed. It's always the hardest state for me to recognize, probably on account of being too caught up and thrown around in the chaos. But raging meltdowns, depths of despair, joking, tackling projects, despite why bother because I'd rather be dead, to wanting to just say screw it and sleep around the clock, but (for several nights now) having to take 3 rounds of meds to knock me out from looping catastrophic and self-loathing thoughts, laughing through semi-marathon dvd watching. And so on. Exhausting. This level of turbulence is not typical for me! Writing (some of) it down here is making it clearer. Will make appointment.