Quote:
Originally Posted by DechanDawa
Your story sounds so similar to mine with my ex-spouse I am going to have to stop responding to your posts as I might be triggered. Especially this last post. I think every single thing you said is exactly how my ex-spouse felt. I think the one thing that is different is that there was a lot of passion and romance present in our relationship. Although my ex is not a full blown narcissist, he does have some of these qualities, and I am sure you know that at the core of narcissism is insecurity. That is really narcissism it in a nutshell. It's a compensatory disorder.
My ex-spouse went on to remarry. He even called me before remarrying to excitedly tell me he had met his soul mate. I wasn't sure what that meant because I thought we were soul mates, having met and bonded at an early age.
One thing my ex told me at the time of the divorce always stayed with me. He said everyone creates a story that is their life. It isn't fact. It is just the story one creates. So if my ex created a story that he never really loved me, and that story enabled him to leave me and marry another...well, you can see how everyone's story benefits them.
My ex fell in love with his new soul-mate in mid-life, among other things such as getting tattoos, buying a sports car, setting up a man-cave apartment etc. etc. I felt his behavior was ridiculous.
Falling in love is for youth, in my opinion. I had a lovely passion for my ex, which was reciprocated, when we were quite young. We are selfishly absorbed in one another, we went out often and had an active social life, traveled, danced, partied, and enjoyed life. He was my everything and I was his everything. Being young and pretty and with little responsibilities outside of one's own life lends itself to passion and romance.
You are already past that and what you are longing for seems a bit ridiculous but go for it. What do you want from PC? Permission? Not to be judged? Support to leave your wife and child?
Just do whatever you are going to do, and be responsible for the consequences. Good Luck.
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I'm sorry if I've reminded you of a painful part of your life. What I wanted from PC was simply to find someone who had been through this from my side and come out okay. You know, from my perspective there's no good outcome. I was hoping someone would have been through this and found some meaning or happiness from it, like perhaps finding a new love for his or her spouse, or even a story of two people separating, making peace with it and both being happier in the end.
I'm really very sorry. I didn't know where else to turn. When you feel like you have an unsolvable problem, sometimes you just look for help in crazy places.
If separating from my wife is going to cause her the pain it's caused you, then I won't do it - no matter what. (And for the sake of clarity, I would never leave my child. She is part of my soul and I couldn't live without her.)
I do think it's interesting that you see infatuation as something for young people and that you never wanted to experience that connection again after settling into a more companionate relationship. I wish I could be like that.