Hi All

I had lack of insight during my last mania, which lead to my first hospitalization. I didn't know about the term lack of insight or what it meant.

When I crashed I started to research my dx BP1 and had to agree with dx. I also searched the fact that while manic there was no way that I would believe I was mentally ill. I was surprised when I found there was a label for this also.

I am just wondering that if I ever have another manic episode like the previous one, will I believe again that I am not ill and I don't require hospital, if needed. Or will I be accepting now that I agree with my BP1 dx.

It was very surreal, in my head no way was I ill and I couldn't understand why the doctors wanted to admit me. This in turn cause me to get very paranoid and act more crazly. It was like I was on the run with nowhere to go and everyone was out for me.

I have a late dx because I never addressed my depression with doctors. I was probably also having mania but it was nothing like the last one. I understand now that if BP is left untreated that episodes get more severe over time. It can also cause damage to the brain.
What a very tough dx to try and deal with. I am finding it all overwhelming, self defeating at times, I am trying to educate myself but also think what the ***K.

I am still in the depression stage waiting for meds to get me back to baseline. I was calling it normal, but saw the term baseline in another post think that is a better phrase. Just feeling really like sh** and pi**ed off today with all this. Bipolar sucks bad!!!