Lack of insight

Hi All

I had lack of insight during my last mania, which lead to my first hospitalization. I didn't know about the term lack of insight or what it meant.

When I crashed I started to research my dx BP1 and had to agree with dx. I also searched the fact that while manic there was no way that I would believe I was mentally ill. I was surprised when I found there was a label for this also.

I am just wondering that if I ever have another manic episode like the previous one, will I believe again that I am not ill and I don't require hospital, if needed. Or will I be accepting now that I agree with my BP1 dx.

It was very surreal, in my head no way was I ill and I couldn't understand why the doctors wanted to admit me. This in turn cause me to get very paranoid and act more crazly. It was like I was on the run with nowhere to go and everyone was out for me.

I have a late dx because I never addressed my depression with doctors. I was probably also having mania but it was nothing like the last one. I understand now that if BP is left untreated that episodes get more severe over time. It can also cause damage to the brain.
What a very tough dx to try and deal with. I am finding it all overwhelming, self defeating at times, I am trying to educate myself but also think what the ***K.

I am still in the depression stage waiting for meds to get me back to baseline. I was calling it normal, but saw the term baseline in another post think that is a better phrase. Just feeling really like sh** and pi**ed off today with all this. Bipolar sucks bad!!!

Do you have family and or friends that you trust who maybe you can talk to about your symptoms and warning signs, like what led to your hospitalization and maybe they can help keep you on track? Not in some sort of overbearing way but as a support system. I would be lost without my husband and I wish it wasn't like that but it is what it is. He was there for me to get me into the hospital last year and while I was in, called around and found me a better clinic because I was receiving bad care at the old one.

It helps many people to keep a daily log over a long period of time. Some people have predictable cycles. Other people are able to learn if they have certain triggers like not enough sleep, too much caffeine, stress at work etc.

Do you have a therapist? I forgot sorry. They can help identify the start of episodes as they get to know you more.

In the early stages of my hypomania i am aware i am having an episode but as my mood gets higher i start to think i am just finally well and healthy at last and i resist seeing my doctor because i think he'll see that i'm well and kick me off disability benefits. I told him about that last time i returned back to earth and he said that if he ever tries to send me back to work i can fire him!