im just wondering, is it normal to abstain and then to partake several weeks later to have no effect or feeling from that which you partake?
im going to put all of this in a trigger, if you have any problem reading substance abuse time stuff maybe dont read ... just alcohol...
recovering... but dont want to trigger anyone -
pretty annoying to me though
Possible trigger:
in this instance i used to heavily drink, but since have sobered up to try to take control back of my life and my mental health...
but the few times i want to blow off some steam and relax and let some demons out by numbing everything with some alcohol i just have a hard time feeling any of it... i've seen people get silly over 1 glass of wine and it just makes me feel pretty upset that i can drink a whole bottle of wine and still feel the same or normal or drink a 12 pack of beer and still feel like i dont feel anything and just want to make the pain stop, but i do seem to have some type of dissociative dissorder... which maybe cause me to not feel these effects at all anyway..? i have no idea, people always wondered how a 130lb guy 5'10 could drink more than everyone put together and be awake when everyone else passes out and wakes up the next morning
it is not a huge problem for me because i only do this infrequently anymore from where it used to be an everyday thing all the time from when i wake up to when i pass out in a plate of food that i didnt even begin to eat because i was too drunk... mainly because nothing really works
it just makes me angry that i want to try to blow it off from time to time (maybe once a month) and when i try it doesnt even work
maybe its parts inside of me that dont feel it, maybe i do feel it but parts inside of me dont... i dont know... but i just feel like drinking that much should have an effect...
i've drank 1 bottle of wine tonight and im just annoyed because i dont really have the money to spend on it and could just eat the money for the same effect at this rate...
sorry if this sounds stupid... but i am somewhat what i would call recovering alcoholic, and i am sober now - to myself - compared to what i was... and dont really need someone to tell me that im still an alcoholic because i dont do what i used to do - even if i do drink a little (even if a little is alot to some) from time to time...
does this make sense to anyone? i am 26 years old and became alcoholic around age 12-13
RECOVERING though and not active! dont forget that
i just want a little relief, from time to time, to keep my sanity... because i am going insane ..
not looking for any advice, just wandering if there is any information why alcohol or other drugs would not effect me in the same way .. or if anyone else has similar experience, because i feel pretty alien anymore
i appreciate it.. and i am doing really well on my addictions, they dont seem to be addictions anymore besides the weed .. just something that i do enjoy having periodically to release a little pain... which is better than cutting/bleeding maybe...