I need to reach out, but I am not quite sure what to say, but here goes:

It's frustrating to me that I have days where I feel yes, I've really got this, and then there are days like today where I am having a really hard time functioning. I called into work to use FMLA for today because I feel like I am cracking under the weight of everything. The work I do is sales, and it is tough enough dealing with customers, but it doesn't help that my manager is, well, less than supportive. My boyfriend, who will most likely be an ex soon, has no interest in understanding my MI. Every time I try to explain what is going on, he insists that he has gone through much worse than I have in my life. It's not a contest! To make matters worse, he is accusing me of cheating because I have guy friends that I talk to. It takes so much emotional energy to try to defend myself against his accusations. I am currently filing for bankruptcy because of bipolar-related issues and also because of a string of unfortunate events that hit me one after another for like two years straight. The petition was supposed to be filed by the 4th and I have not heard an update yet. So far, my case was forwarded to another law firm and then the paralegal to whom I was sending my documents left the law firm. I don't even get any respite in my sleep. I have recurring dreams where I am at work or in school and there was an assignment that I haven't completed, or I am lost and I don't know how to get to where I need to be. I am so tired and exhausted from all of this.

On Thursday this week, I have appointments with both my T and my pdoc and I don't know what to say. It's one thing to take courses and learn about this stuff, but it is another having to live with it day in and day out. My T will give me recommendations on books to read, and I am trying to help myself the best way that I can, but it doesn't do a lot of good when I am so depressed and anxious that I cannot focus on the book I am supposed to be reading. I hate feeling so alone and let down. Ugh. I just need some freaking help!