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I can relate to most, if not everything you've posted.
Therapy has helped me quite a bit though, sadly it will be ending soon, so I don't exactly feel like going into detail.
I'm sorry you're living in such turmoil, floating makes perfect sense.
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DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD
 "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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