I'm not trying to make an immediate decision I'm just trying to understand why i feel as though i could forgive someone eventually (not anytime soon) that has destroyed me, I am not who I know I was before, he hurt me deeper then anyone ever has (and i've been hurt before) i didn't think it was possible to feel more betrayed and have my trust shattered so deeply and completely, last time I was hurt my trust was broken, I felt broken and I didn't know there was such thing and worst, I feel shattered, and yet still I want to forgive him (again not anytime soon he would have ALOT of proving to do, he would have to gain trust and I'm not even sure if I have trust anymore, I think everyone is lying to me right now and I would never ever have him around my minor children again they would have to be grown up and moved out I know i might feel differently by then i'm just trying to make sense of this right now)