Hey guys, I am unsure whether or not I am a terrible person. Let me explain.

Last Spring I got out of a 6 year relationship. I was broken up with. I was devastated and could hardly function for weeks. I told myself that I was going to be single for at least a year and focus on rebuilding myself.

Fast forward to that November...I met a guy and we became friends. His name is Jake. He instantly pursued me, but I knew I wanted to be single and have fun before jumping into anything. However, he kept asking me out, and finally I gave in. We hung out for a couple of weeks and I started to catch feelings. I told him that we were just friends and that we can see where things go. During this time, I wasn't talking to anyone else and honestly didn't think this would go anywhere. AND I knew his job was going to transfer him out of state soon, so I figured it would fizzle out.

We started seeing each other more, and I would stay at his place a couple times a night. We never had the 'gf/bf' talk either. He told me he wasn't seeing anyone else and I believe him. During this time, he also said he loved me several times, although he was drunk each time so I never took it serious.

Fast forward to that Spring, at that time we had been dating for about 5 months. His company basically told him he had to move for work and he agreed. I was angry that he didn't even TRY to find a job around me. I was also angry that he started a relationship knowing he was going to move far away soon. I was also angry that I let myself like him knowing he was moving soon.

So, Jake moved. I was sad, but not overly sad because we still talked every day. He said he wanted to do long distance as long as we could until I figured out where I wanted to move (I had just graduated college). He said he would be faithful to me. I started to think more seriously about applying to jobs and moving to be with him. However, every time I ask if we can be facebook official he says he “doesn’t do facebook relationships.” That made me wonder how serious he really thought we were.

Then, about 3 weeks after he moved I had to go back to my hometown for the weekend. That night I went out and saw my ex who I had been with for 6 years. I was overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do. I tried texting Jake at the time but he wasn’t responding at all. So I left with a guy friend who I have known for years and cheered me up. Anyway, when we got back to my parents house things got intense. We started making out, and we ended up having sex for about 5 minutes before I realized it was dumb. I asked my friend to leave and he did.

The next couple of months everything was fine. I stopped all contact with my friend, and I have no plans of hooking up with anyone. Jake has visited me a couple times since he left, and every time I started to like him more. This past weekend I flew out to see Jake. It was perfect. We had such a great time and I realized that he is someone I can see myself with forever. Even though my plan was to not jump into a relationship, things happen when they happen. The night before I left, I told him I loved him. It was the first time I really felt like that for him and wanted him to know it. He said it back. And yes, this time he was sober.

Now I am seriously considering moving to be with him. But I keep thinking about that night at my parents house. I feel so guilty, and so upset that I let myself screw up so badly. Part of me wants to tell him, but then again I wasn’t sure if things with Jake and I were going to work out or not at that point. And, I hadn’t told him I loved him because honestly…I didn’t yet. I feel like since it was early it’s not as bad, but maybe it is?

What would you do if you were me? Please, be kind and don’t say hateful things. I already hate myself enough right now!

Thank you.