I've been told for many years that I'm a binge drinker (by sister who was going into psychology) but I never bothered with the information because I always stopped. I would go weeks or months without even wanting a drink, to drinking everyday for days or weeks straight, then stop again.
This may sound ridiculous but I had a bad drinking problem when I was younger (13-14) my "guardians" were dumb and didn't realize and I was drunk every weekend, sometimes 2-3 times a week (now including weekends) without fail, for over a year. But luckily I was small and I didn't require much to get intoxicated. And it slowly tapered off, and I never gave it any thought. (Obviously there is alot more to that story that I'm leaving out bc it's so long)
But anyways over the years it's always been the same, drink for a while then stop. But this last bout has been bad. Super high anxiety, because of feelings that I can't control and/or things that I do when I'm intoxicated. To the point of panic attacks while waiting until I can drink (I have 2 kids - I'm not proud of this, simply bc of them but it's never ever around them, only once they are asleep, and their father is around) and I can't stop the panic, I kept telling myself that I would stop soon, it always stops, but it wasn't ending. Over a month of pretty much every day drinking. And heavily.
Then I found out I was pregnant (luckily I found out early on) so I stopped... but I am freaking out.. I want to drink so badly! If someone even mentions a drink or has a drink with them, I start trying to justify having a drink, (which I obviously cant, and don't do it) trying to find anyway that it would be ok to have a drink. It's eating me up. I luckily have none available to make the temptation worse (again not that I would, but it only makes my brain spin if I was to see it)
I'm sorry this is all jumbled, this is my first time ever time talking about it. Ever even allowing myself to think that I might possibly have an issue.
So my question is, do you think I have a problem?
And if so, what do I do?
I just want it to go away.